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11.20.2011

Review: Jane Jones: Worst. Vampire. Ever. by Caissie St. Onge

Jane Jones: Worst. Vampire. Ever. by Caissie St. Onge
Young Adult, Vampires
Paperback $8.99 (240 pages, EMBER)
Ebook $8.99

For Jane Jones, being a vampire is nothing like you read about in books. In fact, it kind of sucks. She's not beautiful, she's not rich, and she doesn't "sparkle." She's just an average, slightly nerdy girl from an ordinary suburban family (who happens to be vampires.) Jane's from the wrong side of the tracks (not to mention stuck in the world's longest awkward phase), so she doesn't fit in with the cool vampire kids at school or with the humans kids. To top it all off, she's battling an overprotective mom, a clique of high school mean girls (the kind who really do have fangs), and the most embarrassing allergy in the history of the undead, she's blood intolerant. So no one's more surprised than Jane when for the first time in her life, things start to heat up (as much as they can for a walking corpse, anyway) with not one, but two boys. Eli's a geeky, but cute real-live boy in her history class, and Timothy is a beautiful, brooding bloodsucker, who might just hold the key to a possible "cure" for vampirism. Facing an eternity of high school pressure, fumbling first dates, or a mere lifetime together with Timothy, what's a 90-something year-old teen vampire to do?
Fans of the Vladmir Tod Chronicles, You are So Undead to Me, and Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side will feast on this deliciously readable, smart, and fantastically funny debut.

Author Site: caisbook.com

Should NOT be compared to Jay, Fantaskey, or Brewer! (2 stars)

Jane Jones is just your average teenaged vampire with over-protective parents and a blood-intolerance. For no apparent reason she's suddenly receiving the attentions of handsome vampire Timothy and awkward human Eli. All she really wants is to be human again, even if it means leaving her parents and younger brother behind. Meanwhile she has to juggle schoolwork and problematic peers.

I chose this book because of the comparison to one of my favorite authors and two others that I really enjoy. How could that go wrong? When your heroine and plot are as dull as dishwater and your vampire mythos is the only redeeming quality in your book... getting compared to other authors CAN be a bad thing. St. Onge's writing just isn't on par with Jay or Fantaskey and Jane doesn't have the distinct voice of Vladmir Tod. That said, if you haven't read any of these three authors and are looking for a clean-ish vampire book for a younger reader this one might be a hit!

Unfortunately, I just couldn't bring myself to like this one. The characters were all very flat making them feel distant and the only one I could even feel any attachment to was Jane's little brother. Conceptually the vampire myth here has some decent twists but somehow manages not to feel more like a high school story about a sickly nerdy girl and less about a teenaged vampire. The title pretty much says it all.


Other Reviews:
Alexia's Books and Such...
Abnormally Paranormal
Midnight Bloom Reads

Notes: ARC received through Amazon Vine.

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