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-- Rhi


Weekend Reading [01/07-01/09] :: Pink vs. Black, HEAs & More

At about the age of eight I fell out of love with the color pink. Up until that age it was my favorite color. Cotton candy. Raspberry. Magenta. Bubblegum. Rose. If it was pink I loved it. Then I went through a phase that many girls go through where they get around their peers and their favorite things change as they are exposed to new things. Maybe part of it was wanting to fit in or struggling with my parents' chaotic love lives but I dropped pink like a bad habit.

My favorite color is green. Over the holidays we were all sitting about chatting and for some reason the subject came up and I revealed that I fell in love with green when I went through my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles phase. They said I wasn't supposed to pick green I was supposed to pick the color of the mask of my favorite one. Boys. Pfffft. So small minded.

For years my passion for green has been just a part of me. I don't pick it as a clothes color or have many green things in my home (with my frog collection as the exception) but it is the one color that always makes me feel good. But then something crazy happened. I had a baby girl. Suddenly everything pink has begun to appeal to me again. All I want to do is fill my world with bright pink!

For Christmas the hubs bought me some really lovely lingerie. The only trouble is he guessed at my size and picked a style that for a tall girl like me just doesn't work. So I had to mail them back. Since there's a big sale going on at the store I figured I'd go in and try some stuff on. I usually gravitate toward black for clothing but I kept being lured to the pink things. As a clutched a super soft black robe and sifted through bins of colorful panties I realized I was facing a dilemna much like Ava does in Pink, the book I finished last week. I'm a bit of a gothy-geek-chic kinda girl with a sudden desire to don soft, pretty pink things. I ended up leaving the store with the black robe and a hot pink lacy pair of thong panties (among other things).

All afternoon I've been thinking a bit about my experience in the lingerie store. Standing there staring at myself in the full length mirrors in my ratty jeans and a black bra. The way the extra weight from having the baby still lingers in all the wrong places. How the flesh around my belly button looks like a deflated tiger-striped balloon. The awful feeling of ugliness that fell over me as I let the gal helping me out in so I could explain what was bugging me about how the bra fit. About how I looked at myself in the mirror after she went to fetch another style for me to try. How even with no makeup, my face broken out, my hair a bit of a mess, my jeans faded and a bit saggy in the butt, and my skin looking vampiric I made a little bit of peace with me.

I'm never going to look like the models in magazines again. I'm not that 19-year-old girl with perky boobs and flat abs who met my husband. I'm a 31-year-old woman with sagging tits like a native in National Geographic and the battle scars of motherhood. When I read my romance novels and secretly scoff at the HEA factor it's because I know that one day that virginal heroine with lush black hair and bouncy breasts will one day get gray hairs and gravity will kick in. Then I shrug because not many RL HEAs last longer than a book is in print. But maybe there are some lucky heroines who can love themselves anyway and know that if he's a true hero he'll still love her when she's got some wear on her tires. Sexy is so much more than outward appearance.

This weekend I'm hoping to snuggle up in my new black robe with One Foot in the Grave and Once in a Full Moon. Maybe do a little grocery shopping and clean my room? But tonight... tonight I am going to geek out. Oh yes people, I've got the new World of Warcraft expansion. I told my guys we're playing on Friday nights like we used to before the baby kinda complicated things. She's going to bed and I'm logging onto Raenbeau, my goblin mage. We're gonna drink some Guinness and play some WoW and it's gonna be freaking fun! Maybe if I get some time I'll get my review of Pink done finally, too. ;) Hope your weekend rocks! Let me know what you're reading this weekend. -- Rhi

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